


DARK LIGHT or HOPE IS A HOPELESS PLACE

by puflica



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, jark, markson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 21:36:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9923069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puflica/pseuds/puflica
Summary: Wishing is a risky game to be played and hope is dangerous thing to hang around with. One wrong word and they will turn your destiny upside-down. What once had beautiful core, turns out to be twisted and grotesque, ugly and disgusting. And evil grins of your hope chase you, mock you and your weakness as you stumble to your end. Hope is in a hopeless place. Just like we are…





	

White sheets on white bed within white walls. They are surrounded by the colour white and, yet their future seems to be so dark.

No colours, no light, only shades. Game of black and white.

White curtains. White sunlight.

Mark is falling deeper into the black hole of death. Mark is drifting away, stealing colours from Jackson's life. One unconscious but alive, the other wide awake but dead from the inside.

There was a contrast between life and death. Contrast between everything. The hospital room became room of contrast.

Mark opposes Jackson. Jackson opposes Mark.

**_ *********** _ **

_ You're so pale. It is hard to look at you. It is too much for me. _

_ Lifeless. Colourless. Only Shades. Shades that lashes create on your swollen cheeks are the only colour of our life. Yours and mine… _

_ I am afraid. What if I lose you? What if you leave? What if… _

_ Wake up. Mark, please. I can't do this anymore. Mark, Markie… I need you. _

Their parents and friends gave up. At first, they tried to make Jackson go home, eat, sleep. But no matter how much they pleaded, no matter how much they argued, Jackson stubbornly refused to leave his lover's side.

Nurses and doctor didn't complain. They saw the same picture one too many times. They understood and they couldn't take away precious time from those who needed it the most.

_ *********** _

_ It's been three months. When will you come back? _

_ Mark… _

_ I don’t know how much more I can take. _

_ I miss your voice. Silence slipping past your lips is torturous and it makes me feel like I am under some unknown liquid that consumes all sounds. Your lips are mute and my ears are deaf. Every day I beg you to whisper at least one word, I beg you to move, to give me a sign that you’re still here, that you won’t leave me. And, if I close my eyes I can imagine colours dancing across your face as you smile at me, I can see you chasing shadows away. But, truth to be told, I am tired of imagining I am tired of this sick game inside of my head, I am tired of tricking myself into believing that everything is fine. Sometimes I just want to leave and break this cursed circle of pain, but I cannot. I cannot leave you because you are the one that I love more than anything. My soul is tied to yours and my heart is beating for you. For both of us… _

_ Be back… back... _

_ Back then, when you were here, this silence would be comfortable. Back then, it meant that everything was okay. Now, meaning is turned upside down. Now, silence equals all the things that could go wrong. _

_ Today, everything is wrong. Your calmness, silence, stillness, everything I am used to, is wrong. Where are you? Can you hear me? Can you feel my touch? Can you feel it? Look, I am holding your hand! I used to do that all the time… _

_ Your hands are so cold. I am afraid to hold them, you know. I am afraid. To feel coldness of your skin under my fingertips, it is unnerving. It is scary. It feels like the end is here. It feels like farewell. _

_ *********** _

Jackson is now sitting on the floor, back supported by a cupboard and head leaning on Mark's bed. His eyes are red and dull, emotionless, mouth and lips dry from all the whispering. He looks and feels like mess, completely lost in the world of living.

He strokes Mark's hand lightly, feeling all the bones under his fingertips.

It’s been a long time since he got his touches returned and it frustrates him. He misses warmth of Mark’s skin and all the little kisses they shared, he misses late night cuddles and good morning hugs. Jackson misses it all and would give up on everything just to have it back.

 

_ You are so thin. _

_ Your skin lost the brightness it had before, your lips are no longer red, your eye bags now occupy too much space on your bony face. _

_ But, for me you’re the most beautiful person, no matter what. _

_ My beautiful Mark… _

_ There are things I never told you. _

_ I never told you how you could tame my inner beasts, you could calm my whole world with just one smile or word. I am grateful for peace you gave me. With you I felt safe no matter what. You are my home, Mark. You’ve always been and always will be. _

_ I am sorry, Mark, for not telling you all of this before… There is much more, but what’s the point? You can’t hear me… I am sorry, I wish I could turn time back. _

_ Without you here, my world is crashing, my walls are crumbling. Where are you Mark? Come and save me… Please… I miss you. _

_ Mark, I need you more than ever before. _

 

**_ *********** _ **

He finally falls asleep. Three days in a row, his eyes saw no rest. Three days he stayed awake, and now his exhausted body crumbles under the pressure of fatigue. But sleep brings him no rest for his clouded mind couldn’t shut off dreams full of grotesque images. His own mind plays pranks on him giving him hope that eventually turns into nightmare. Jackson wakes up covered in sweat, heart beating like crazy and tears threatening to roll down his pale cheeks.

He feels like death is creeping around the corner, waiting, burning with desire to take.

Jackson is afraid...

_ *********** _

_ It's been too long. I am losing patience. But, don’t worry, I am not going anywhere. I'll stay with you. _

_ I feel so useless. I can’t do anything for you. Sorry… Things don't change. You always look so fragile and gentle, but you are real fighter. Unlike me… _

_ Sorry, Mark… I am tired. I wish we could die together, burning in the hot flames of our love, our ashes mixed in cold air. That would make a really nice contrast, right? Cold and hot. You and me. We are so different, but we can’t live without each other. We were contrast in life and we shall be contrast in death. _

_ *********** _

The nurse quietly enters in the room. She approaches Jackson, whispering, “Jackson, you have to the leave room for a little bit. Some test need to be done on Mark. In the meantime, you can eat something.”

“Can I stay outside the room and wait in the hall?”

“Of course, but it would be better for you to eat something. You’ll get sick.”

“Like I care…”

The nurse looks at him sadly, but she doesn’t pressure him.

“Anyway, you go out and I'll let you know when the doctor is done, okay?”

Jackson kisses Mark's now thin lips murmuring ‘I love you.’ With one last look, he leaves room.

With a deep sigh, he slides to the floor, not bothering to sit on a chair. Suddenly, he starts crying loudly, sobbing and shaking. While with Mark, he always suppresses his cries; he wants to be strong for him. Now, left alone, he can't hold it anymore. Tears roll on his cheeks, wetting his shirt, forming a pool of despair under his feet. Tears full of salt and blood burn in the afternoon sun that illuminates the hallway. They burn with tragedy, turning everything into dust.

Echo of his cries mingle in the air for a long time leaving souls of those who heard them, frozen in pain.

He cries out his hope and his soul ends up being completely empty. Dragging his body back to cursed room, Jackson notices how numb his body is.

 

 

_ I am back, Mark. I missed you. I love you… _

_ Soon they'll tell me what is going on. What I can hope for? I am afraid to know, but I have to. _

_ Mark… I don't know what to. I am lost. I feel like I don't belong to this world anymore. I am even more dead than you are… More dead. Less dead. Funny _

_ I never thought I would crave for death so much. _

_ I am just a shadow of past me. _

_ I wish I could reach my end. _

_ I'll sing to you… or to myself… or to us. I'll sing a song of our funeral, a song of our end. _

_ "I'll see you in the future when we're older, _

_ And we are full of stories to be told. _

_ Cross my heart and hope to die, _

_ I'll see you with your laughter lines." _

_ I wish I could see us getting old and maybe weak, but happy because we lived our life together. I wish to see your face full of wrinkles and eyes full of stories. _

_ To see your orbs full of age, but bright as ever. To feel your arms weak of time, but as warm as sun... _

_ But, who am I to have my wishes fulfilled? Who am I to hope for a long, happy life? _

_ Wishing is a risky game to be played and hope is dangerous thing to hang around with. One wrong word and they will turn your destiny upside-down. What once had beautiful core, turns out to be twisted and grotesque, ugly and disgusting. And evil grins of your hope chase you, mock you and your weakness as you stumble to your end. _

_ Hope is in a hopeless place. _

_ Just like we are… _

Jackson shakes his head in disbelief.

 

_ *********** _

_ Oh, wait…the doctor called me. I guess the results are here. Wish me luck. God, what am I saying? I really am crazy… sorry, Mark. Wait for me, okay? I'll be back. Love you… _

 

_ Yes, those were the results. They told me there is hope! Mark, can you hear me? There is hope for us! Mark! Mark… _

Jackson falls unconscious. His body couldn't handle mix the of tiredness and excitement. He was crushed and broken and ruined. Once again, hope was fatal. Hope for happiness brought more tragedy. Wishes once again twisted everything, leaving everything in darkness.

Shades, more shades. No hope for light. His eyes got used to darkness and now lines of white burn like hell; now those long waited strands bring more pain, cause more tears.

_ ********* _

For weeks only beeping of monitors broke suffocating silence, but there is no one to notice it. Mark's room is now empty. Only crumbled wings now lay beside his bed and only they are left. The carrier of those floats in depth of darkness, the carrier of those is now in place where light is unknown thing.

The carrier of those had fallen.

 

_ *********** _

They are desperate: doctors, friends, families. Their conditions change in sync. They depend on each other, rely on each other. Together they are falling down, together they are trying to reach the surface. It is like a wild ocean: unruly, restless. Always trying to suffocate someone and the other is following down. Waves of beast, waves of enemy, waves of pure power. Nothing helps. No one can offer them helping hand. They have to fight on their own, show brute strength in battle of undead.

They stretch their hands and reach for the shiny surface, but tendrils always grab them, pull them, steal them…

_ ********** _

The doctors meet their parents. Sears meet listeners. The moment to tell the truth is here.

“I am sorry to inform you that boys show no constant improvement. One step forward, two steps back.”

One quiet sob interrupted the silence that filled the room.

“What should we do?” they asked.

“We don't know. We cannot keep them alive by force. There is little to no hope for them… I am so sorry.”

Silence. These days the world is coated in silence...

Chairs scratch floor. Feet stomp. Doors slam.

Silence.

No words. No sounds.

Time stops.

The desperate scream of a desperate woman is heard.

Silence is finally broken.

The line between life and death is thin as a hair strand. Almost broken and soon it will break. Soon the end will come.

**_ ********** _ **

The ocean is calm. Only a light breeze is disturbing the peace. Two bodies float deep inside. Pale. Thin. Weak. Only their lips are moving but their whispers are eaten by liquid. They soundlessly sing to each other.

“I want to breathe, I hate this night.

I want to wake up, I hate this dream.

I’m trapped inside of myself and I’m dead.

Listen to my heartbeat

It calls you whenever it wants to

Because within this pitch black darkness

You are shining so brightly.

Give me your hand, save me, save me.

I need your love before I fall, I fall.

Give me your hand, save me, save me.

I need your love before I fall, I fall.”

Hope is hopeless place, but they float in place without hope. So, they fight. They fight for what they love and want. They fight for themselves, they fight for each other.

_ *********** _

White walls. White bed frame. White sheets. They are surrounded by white colour. Light with shades. Shades with light.

Colures. Dull, weak, but present.

They dance across their bodies, they make their faces alive. Stone is replaced by skin. Cuprum is replaced by blood.

Life is mingling around the hospital room, looking for chance to slip in. Battles are won, the war is ended.

Shadow is hovering over battlefield. Rivers of sweat and tears. A bloody pool. A lake of fire. Smoke and ash fills the air. Warriors breathe in life of death.

Death is alive and so are they.

 


End file.
